Losing your Family

Martha, Why is this titled losing your family?
We know you lost your Mom and Dad but what happened to the rest?
Your Aunts? Your Uncles? Your Grandmothers? Etc...

Yes. Mom died 7/8/13 and Dad on 12/22/13.

Mom's Mom died in 1996.
Mom's Dad died in 1985 or 86.
Mom's sister is still alive last time I heard which was 2013.
Mom's brother is still alive last time I heard which was 2013.

Dad's Dad I never knew because he died before I was born.
Dad's Mom is still alive last I heard which was 2013.
Dad's older brother is still alive last I heard which was 2013.
Dad's sister is still alive last I heard which was 2013.
Dad's younger brother is still alive last I heard which was 2013.

Point is last time I heard from any of my family 
was the day we buried my Dad in 2013.

My ex turned most of my family against me before 
then and I think that some of them still
think what he said was true and are holding that against me
 to this day when what he said was all manipulation and
 brainwashing tactics to get them on his side because he was abusing me.

But they don't care about that.
They feel they are right in their abandoning of me.


When I needed them the most ... my family abandoned me.
I had just suffered a major heart attack, a divorce, losing my mom, and losing my dad.
My family completely turned their back on me.


I truly do not understand why they did this.
I was taught family was supposed to be there for one another.
Truth is, they have never been there for me one bit.

They always shunned me and made me feel as if I wasn't part of them because
I was the different one. I liked my metal music, my movies, my animals...
they thought this was strange and none of them ever tried to see beyond that.

So why does this hurt you Martha?

Maybe it is because I tried to be close to them so many times
only to have my heart broken over and over.
 I wanted my Family so we could make MEMORIES.
I never wanted MONEY or ITEMS from them.
I just wanted memories... and they denied that to me.

I see other people having their family moments and it turns my
stomach knowing I lost out on having that for myself all because
my family was to selfish to allow it to happen.

In the end...

The Black Sheep wins by being herself...
but she loses so much of her heart.
They stripped it away piece by piece as each
of them said their hurtful things...
till her heart was nothing left but a speck of
dust blown away by the wind.

I loved each of them so much.

Mom's Sister I loved cause I am named after 
her and thought her to be so strong ...
all she ever did was say I was a disappointment 
and say I did wrong when I didn't.

Mom's brother I was always scared of but respected 
him cause he worked hard for all he had ... yet he always 
thought badly of me for no reason except my ex doing
bad things I knew nothing about.

Dad's Mom... she was always distant but I wanted to be close 
to her and tried many times only to see that she didn't value affection 
and family the way I did, and I was pushed aside.

Dad's older brother was my favorite uncle but he just 
decided he was too busy to even concern himself with me.

Dad's sister used to be my favorite aunt until she stopped 
writing me letters and just cut off all communications 
with me at age 13. We'd see each other again but
it was never the same between us and the distance showed, 
heartbreakingly so.

Dad's younger brother used to be so much fun for me to hang out 
with when I was young but then he distanced himself 
from everyone and he just cut off communications
with me completely.

I truly do not know what I did wrong.
I wish I did.

Truth is... they don't care enough to even give me the common decency of
letting me know what I did or why this has happened...

So I guess my idea of family is dead.
My family is gone.

And I am... abandoned.


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