Narcissist [nahr-suh-sist] /ˈnɑr sə sɪst/ Noun
1. a person who is overly self-involved, and often vain and selfish.
2. Psychoanalysis. a person who suffers from narcissism, deriving erotic gratification from admiration of his or her own physical or mental attributes.
- From Dictonary.com
No one tells you how hard it is living through abuse.
All you know are the horror stories of the after affects of physical abuse and not the horror of living through mental and emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissist.
I can tell you.
I lived with one.
He will make you think you are the world. He will romance you. He will buy you things. He will lure you in with every charm and grace he can offer you. You will believe the promises he makes you. You will think you've never met a man quite like him. You will consider yourself LUCKY you met and landed such a man. This is what he wants you to think. This is how he cements himself into your life.
When ring is placed on it... the "Fairytale" comes crashing down.
The romance will come at a sudden halt. You'll wonder what you did to have him distance himself. He will have you doubting yourself and if you are worthy of affection, love, or even basic human decency.
He will do a complete turn around of personality. All of a sudden you are selfish for even wanting the basic necessities in life like food, clothes, medical care. You are wrong for wanting that and you are putting a strain on his life.
All those PROMISES he made you... you will discover as the days, weeks, months... YEARS pass they meant nothing. They were empty promises dangled in front of you with no meaning... and you fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
Everything you had before you met is his now and what is his is his... you have nothing and without him he will tell you, you ARE nothing. Everything you valued will be stripped away and you will have nothing to call your own because everything you liked is stupid. Everything you wanted is selfish. No it's all about HIM and his needs now.
If you fight he will turn every bit of it onto you making you think you are the one who is insufficient in every way. He turns on crocodile tears pretending to be hurt. Once he gains a foothold he will tear away at every bit of you that is left until you won't even recognize yourself in the mirror. You will become a shell of what you once were... at best a zombie.
He will put on acts in front of your families and friends to make sure they think he is this "GODS GIFT" and anytime you try to tell them otherwise... his brainwashing of them will show in their defense of him. He will turn every one you loved against you by telling them how horrible you treat him. They will feel sorry for him but what they don't see is how everything he's said about you is how he treats you behind closed doors.
He will slander you to anyone who will listen. He will say how worthless you are to everyone and then even more harshly he will make sure to drill it into your head until that is all you ever think about yourself. You will feel useless, worthless, and even suicidal.
You get brave and leave. He goes to your family and cries about how he can not live without you and you are cheating on him. The lies he tells turns your family against you when all you were trying to do is escape the mental and emotional turmoil your life had become. Your family sides with him because they have been manipulated into thinking the worst about you by the person who claims to want what is best for you. Your family convinces you to return.
You return and everything between you continues the same ... nothing changes. You get mistreated even more. You find signs of him being unfaithful. He says the Email he was jerking off to was just a "story" a friend sent him. He says that wasn't HIS stash of gay porn. He say that him going and staying out till 3am is his RIGHT because he works and you don't.
Your family starts noticing missing things. Tools, memorabilia worth money... jewelry... visa cards. They think YOU did it when you knew nothing about any of it. He stole things and got money to do whatever he wanted yet you saw no money and had no idea this was going on. Your family doesn't care that he did it and you get blamed because you are married to him. Your family (minus your parents who finally see the light thank goodness) decides they hate you and cut you off saying you are as bad as HE said you were.
You get sick for 2 weeks straight. Bad throwing up. You ask for help. He doesn't care. He says you don't deserve medical care because you don't do anything worthy of it. You beg him to help you. He laughs and says you aren't worth it and he is going to bed.
That is how my story went.
Well I made a phone call and my parents came to my rescue finally seeing what he was. They saved my life because 2 weeks later I had a massive heart attack resulting from a 100% clogged main artery in my heart. I died but was saved... now I have a stent in my heart and am divorced from the man who claimed to love me but put me through a living hell.
So how do you live through this?
You have to be strong. You have to walk away. Once you spot the signs of a Narcissist or abusive relationship... please, just be strong enough to walk way. There are plenty of people in the world and one person out there WILL love you like YOU DESERVE to be LOVED. You do NOT have to put up with mental and emotional abuse on ANY LEVEL. Walk away and save yourself.
How do I spot a Narcissist?
Here are some pointers I have learned:
He will put a mask on to the outside world of how he wishes them to perceive him as opposed to how he truly is with you behind closed doors.
He will want everything for himself. All the food, money, clothes.
He will make you feel good one moment and the next tear you down to the very dust he thinks you amount to.
He will mind fuck and/or brain wash you and everyone else he comes across to get his way.
He will manipulate everyone.
He will throw tantrums, fake cry, and play the victim in every ordeal.
He will gamble and/or spend money the way HE wants to without regards for your needs or wants.
He will steal and/or cheat.
He will deny you things you need, taunt you, degrade you, and humiliate you at every opportunity.
There are so many signs and so much I could say but that is what I have encountered.
Please do not live through the HELL I subjected myself to for 13 years. Believe me when I say staying will only do MORE damage in the long run not only to you but to the relationships you have with family and friends... it could even lead to your death... it almost did for me.
I hope this helps just one person. If it did my humiliation of telling the truth of my 13 years of hell will be worth it.