Friday

Five Minute Friday

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This week’s Five Minute Friday prompt is: 

ENOUGH

I have never felt like I was ENOUGH. Good enough, smart enough, talented enough. Despite the fact that a lot of people tell me I am talented and smart... it still doesn't matter. I feel like a disappointment most days. 

I don't know if most of this is because of my depression or if it is something else harbored deep within me. 

I don't think I am dumb by any means. I am smart about some things I care about but I feel OBLIVIOUS to other things that really don't interest me at all. I also don't think I am the MOST talented person in the world but I know I have some talent and I feel like it is wasted. As for being GOOD enough... I don't think I am a good person. I am not a bad person either. I, like most people, have my good days and my bad days... but I don't think anything I do is GOOD enough to meet standards set by any one. Especially myself.

I tend to disappoint myself more than I can express in writing this.

I am always left to wonder if my parents thought of me as a burden or a disappointment. Was I enough for them?

I also sometimes wonder why I wasn't ENOUGH for my ex's. Not that I care anymore.

These are just random thoughts about myself.

Then I will do something EXTRAORDINARY and think... Damn I am awesome.
I don't live my life anymore trying to be GOOD ENOUGH for anyone. I am good enough for me. Perfectly flawed in EVERY way... and that is who MARTHA is.

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing so honestly. You would be surprised at how many people would feel similar to what you do. Keep holding on to those extraordinary things that you do and know that you are enough. FMF#85

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks so much... I appreciate those kind words.

    ReplyDelete

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