Thursday

AtoZ Challenge: W = Wicked

THEME: STORIES FROM MY PAST

W = Wicked

"All right, enough - so be it
So be it, then:
Let all Oz be agreed
I'm wicked through and through"
- Wicked Witch of the West singing NO GOOD DEAD From the Musical WICKED  


I never thought I was a bad person. 

Suddenly one day, the principal and vice principal have me in their office and my Mom is there.

"Ms. Pittman... you know why you are here?" - Vice Principal
"No Mr. Ezelle, I don't."
(Looks at my Mom) "Your daughter had been rumored to have a HIT LIST and is a devil worshiper."

That was the beginning... I had no idea what a devil worshiper was or a HIT LIST. The rumors spread behind my back had reached the principal and vice principal. Now here sat me and my Mom both having NO IDEA what was going on.

"I suggest she find God" 

I was sitting there completely shocked. I was scared. I had no idea what was going on. After we got home, Mom said nothing but she talked with Dad when he got home. The next day I was taken to a LECTURE about the evils of being a devil worshiper. All the man did was show me a VHS tape and I laughed at most of it ... it was like a bad horror movie documentary. 

When I got home I researched what a HIT LIST was and what it meant to be a devil worshiper. I was surprised to find out the answer. A HIT LIST was a list people formed of those they wanted to hurt but mostly it was a list of people they wanted DEAD. WHAT?!?! I didn't want anyone DEAD! What the fuck? Seriously? I was appalled that ANYONE would think this of me. I cried for hours.... days... weeks... a month... then I snapped out of that. 

For that long month Mom and Dad took me to church. The first day I walked in a lady asked me if I wanted to be saved and I said sure.... I was thrown up front of the church and had NO IDEA what was going on. I could see it was making my Mom and Dad happy so I went along with it. They said I was saved... 2 weekends later I was baptized still not knowing a single thing. After I was baptized and joined the church.... the entire church just stopped talking to my parents and me and then.... a lot of DRAMA started among deacons so Mom and Dad agreed we'd just leave. And we did... but my quest was NOT over...

I was determined to learn who started these rumors about me. 

I started my detective work on that end all the while researching what devil worshiping was and it lead me to discover the Church of Satan. I became facinated with reading everything Anton LaVey wrote .... the Satanic Bible, the Satanic Rituals, the Satanic Witch... and so on... I read everything I could get my hands on about Satanism, Wiccans.

I found out who started the rumors. I made a LIST ... ironic isn't it. I got a diary and wrote those named down and called it the KARMA LIST. I would seek NO REVENGE on those who said these things about me and almost ruined my life. I had read in some Buddhist writings that Karma has a way of dealing out just punishment to those who have done bad things to you. Seek no revenge yourself... the negative energies they put out into the world will one day return to them. I was happy thinking that thought. 

I went from Catholic, Baptist, Methodist... every religion I could trying to find my place. 

I finally settled in a Baptist church. I thought I had found a home... but they called me ANTI-CHRIST and preached a sermon about how wicked and evil I was. 

That's the day I left religion behind for good.

Am I wicked? Probably. I don't doubt I am. But I try to be a good person. I don't believe in anything but myself... I know that if I do right by people and am a good person that things will work out in the end. I just refuse to worship anything... god or devil. 

I do love me some Lucifer though. 

Why?

Think of this...  God created Lucifer and he was God's most BEAUTIFUL and BELOVED angel. He rebelled against his father because he felt unloved.... WHO HASN'T DONE THAT?!?!? If it's a true story that would make LUCIFER the first REBEL. That's a hero... not a devil. 

So anyway, that's this entry in the challenge. Bet I get a LOT of heat over this. 
 
 

4 comments:

  1. No heat from me, I could write pages in response but there is no reason for it. You are not evil, you are not a heartless, horrible person. You are more accurately a hurt and angry one. I was that girl once, so I understand it entirely. All I ask is that you keep an open mind to seeing things from a different perspective in the future. To be all alone in the world, as I once felt too, makes it a dark, chaotic and scary place. There is a whole world, a whole universe, of love out there for you when you seek it, and someday I think you will. I wish you peace, and a letting go of all that has occurred in the past, don't let it weigh you down and destroy your hope for a future. Seek out what is good and makes you happy and fulfilled, you will be ok! <3

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    1. I was hurt and I was angry. Thankfully I work through that ... plus I take prozac lol. I always keep an open mind to EVERYTHING. I don't like to close the door on any possibility. I always explore everything and gain as much knowledge as I can. I am all alone thanks to my family but I am NOT alone as I am getting NEW friends I consider family so that is a GOOD thing. I sometimes question why my family ended up being so hurtful/hateful to me when I did nothing wrong. And I know it's not me... I know that now. They don't know how to love. My Mom and Dad did but the rest of them... clueless. I feel sorry for them. They have no real joy in their lives. XOXOXO thanks again... your comments always make me happy.

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  2. You have had more than your share of strange folks knocking you around. They really aren't the norm. Just keep on keepin' on living each day as it comes and know that the past is time gone so let it go. I know...easier said than done. Be strong and keep going forward. Keep looking for the good...it's there even if it seems not to be so...you will find it. You are loved whether you believe or not it's the truth.

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    1. Yes I have had a hard time of it. But no matter how many times I get knocked around... I find a way back ... and the accomplishment makes me PROUD that I am capable of doing such things on my own. I let it all go. I tell my stories so people KNOW me and can perhaps learn from my mistakes. I hope I do find the good in life. I think I am going to be ok. Thanks Patrica XOXO

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