Saturday

AtoZ Challenge: A= ATTITUDES


THEME: STORIES FROM MY PAST

A = ATTITUDE(S)

I am starting this challenge off with Attitudes. What do you mean attitudes? Well, as a person goes through the journey of life their attitudes CHANGE with the experiences they are met with. I am going to tell a few stories about how my attitudes CHANGED over the course of my life.


As a child, I was wide eyed and happy most of the time. When my Grandaddy Chance (Dad's Step Father), Granny (Great Grandmother on Mom's side), and Grandaddy (Mom's Dad) passed away very close together, something inside me changed. I grew up before I was supposed to. Being an only child is tough and handling that with lots of grief that I couldn't deal with and didn't know really HOW to deal with, made me feel out of place. I didn't talk to anyone because I didn't think they would understand and most of the grown ups around me were having problems dealing with their own grief. My Granny was my BEST FRIEND and my Grandaddy was my MENTOR. Both of them shaped me into most of what you see/read here. They taught me to overcome all obstacles and be myself no matter what. Losing them... I knew my innocence was lost.

After their deaths, I got made fun of a lot at school for saying they were in Heaven and I'd look up their and say they were smiling down on me. Kids at school said I was strange and wouldn't play with me anymore. I cried a lot when alone. My grades fell from A+ Honor Roll to C+ and with the change of schools due to district reshaping, I was pretty much a recluse... something I would grow accustom to even to this day.

The kids in my new school would make fun of me because of my asthma. I stayed to myself reading books on my favorite topic... GHOSTS. I got called a DEVIL WORSHIPER and so much more. It was during this time we transitioned from grade school (1st - 6th) into high school (7th - 12th) were the bullying, rape, and hatred for me for NO REAL REASON escalated to extremities. Even though I was in Marching Band, Jazz Band, ACE Team, and Drama... most of my classmates steered clear of me.

After I graduated I sadly followed the WRONG path and got pregnant at 18 only to lose her 4 months later (that's another story). The father wanted nothing to do with me or the baby... and I was left to think I was going to be a single mom. (SEE the FULL story under Remembering Natasha Danielle in the links to your right). Between the miscarriage, marrying an abusive man, and all the stuff I went through during this time... I became quite lost. I was a shell of who I was. 

After my divorce (9 months later), I became WILD. I did everything I could do to ease the pain in my heart and soul ... I tried all kinds of new things (some I would rather NOT go into here). All I know is that the path it lead me down showed me what I didn't want in life.... but sadly it lead me to meet my 2nd EX husband who abused and controlled me with mental and emotional manipulations. I truly lost who MARTHA was during the 13 years I was with him.  

I suffered the WIDOW MAKER (massive heart attack at age 34 and now have a stent in the main artery of my heart) and then my husband decided he didn't want me anymore kicking me out after 13 years in April of 2013. Shortly after I divorced him, I lost Mom a few days later... and Dad five months after that. My remaining family (including a grandmother and an aunt I am NAMED AFTER ... sadly) hasn't contacted me since December 2013 .... making me feel abandoned.

Through all of this... I still smile. 

Why?

Because even through the toughest of times I came out of it all ALIVE and with a new look on life. I can tell you from all my experiences that it is the LITTLE THINGS that matter. The small "LOVE YOU"S you say to someone as you leave them to go somewhere else, the laughter you share over a funny moment, the heart ache you suffer together and hug/hold each other through, the thoughtfulness of their gifts... mostly their time spent with you. 

You should never go to bed mad at someone you love or cut them off for something petty. You never know when it will be the LAST TIME you can say I LOVE YOU or anything to them. SO TELL THEM NOW!

Yes, my attitude has changed over my 39 (yes I am THAT old) years on this earth. I have seen/heard/experienced MUCH and I still learn more EVERY SINGLE DAY. You have to have the attitude of a warrior/fighter/survivor to overcome every obstacle in your path. Everyday I put on my fighters hat, my survivor armor, and equip myself with the weapons of a warrior saying "COME ON WORLD... BRING IT.... I CAN TAKE IT". 

I am thankful for every moment someone gives me of their time because I know they chose to spend that moment with ME... and that is a lot when you truly think about it. Time is the most PRECIOUS thing you can give anyone.

Attitude is everything... 

12 comments:

  1. Hey, Martha! I am happy to see you here. As I signed into A-Z, you were signing in, too. So, I came right over. You are brave in sharing your life stories. I feel privileged to read them. Great start, too. I can identify with aspects of this. Attitude has a lot to do with survival. Hugs.
    Annie at ~McGuffy's Reader~

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    1. Thanks so much my friend. I am happy to see you doing yours as well and I look forward to reading it. I am not brave really... I am scared every time I share something at the backlash I could receive but I tell my story anyway because it needs to be told. Hugs to you and I hope you stop by to read all the others... STILL so many to go.

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  2. Interesting and bravo on sharing. As you know I seldom share a lot of my own private stuff But If I was to It probably end up a novel if it didn't upset relations. Luv ua for who you are! stand strong!

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    1. Thank you sis. I love you too. Thanks for standing by me. Nice to know someone still has my back even more than my own flesh and blood does.

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  3. You have been through a lot in your life. I am glad you have been able to keep a positive attitude. Great start to the challenge.

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    1. THank you so much for the kind words. Yes I have been through a lot but you know what... I just think that everything is a lesson and I learn from what happens, move on, and better myself. You can't let everything that comes along defeat you.

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  4. You are brave and strong! I admire your courage to write what hurts. I had to laugh at the "39" It has been a long time since I saw 39.
    <a href="https://patriciasplace.me/2017/04/01/atozchallenge-a/>Patricia'sPlace</a>

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    1. Don't know why the link is screwy!

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    2. Thanks so much for the kind words. I just am me. I try to be brave and strong but sometimes I am just an emotional wreck.

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  5. You serve to be an inspiration for many people dear. I'm glad you could come out of that. BTW, I like the name 'Monster Martha'. sounds dope ;)
    All the best for a to z challenge :)

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    1. I appreciate the comments thank you so very much. I just hope my stories can HELP someone ... that's the only reason to share.

      And thanks for liking the name... I really like it to.

      Take care and I hope you stop by again!

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  6. I am starting at the beginning of your A-Z because I want to learn more about you. Let me start by saying after reading this post, that the people I admire, and relate to most are the survivors, the ones who kept going against all odds and all attempts to break them. You had a very rough beginning, and the fact that you can reconnect the pieces of your life and turn it into something good is wonderful! I am proud of you, and I know that as you continue to grow you will find someone who loves you as you should be loved, you deserve that (just as I did)! XOXO

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