Thursday

A person can only take so much...

I wrote a letter to my Uncle Murray and Aunt Martha... I asked politely for the recipe for my Mom's lasagna and/or the bbq sauce if they had it. I even enclosed a self addressed stamped envelope for them to mail it back to me.

On the 25th of this month I hear back... same paper I sent to them ... 2 sentences "I have no idea" "Murray passed 3/25/2017". Signed simply "Martha" aka my Aunt.

I just froze.

THIS is how I hear about my Uncle... My Mom's ONLY brother dying? If he's even dead really because I searched all through the internet, newspapers, etc searching for his obituary with NOTHING coming up at all. It's kind of FUNNY that he died on 3/25.... cause that's his birthday. Like I wouldn't know that.

Either they didn't make it public that he died or she is lying to me... either way it is a COLD HEARTLESS way to be told that information in ANY light. It's not like she didn't have my freaking email address ... probably had my address too.... it's not like she didn't know how to contact me regardless. This just proved my theory... I mean NOTHING to these people. Never did.

And again... my heart broke.


I should have expected this. Truly. My 39 years on this earth ... this is the way they've always been. Cold. Uncaring. Unfeeling.

Also this isn't the first time my Aunt didn't tell someone about a family member's death. My great Aunt Daisy died and Mom & I didn't find out till we read it in the local newspaper's obituaries.

I don't know how to find out if he is truly gone or not... kinda funny not even an obituary or anything... I searched both funeral homes that my family used in the past with NO leads.

And frankly after that response.... should I even care anymore?

It hurts so bad to feel like my own flesh and blood doesn't give a damn about you. I was raised to VALUE family... yet, it's obvious, they do not value me.

I am 39 going to turn 40 this October 27th... I am getting TOO old for their uncaring ways making ME feel like I am not "good enough" for them. Truth is... they are not good enough for me. I am a great person to be in your family ... but the communication is a two way street... I am the kind of person that doesn't want to "bug" or "bother" people with my presence unless they WANT it... so if you don't write, call, contact me in some way shape or form... chances are unless I really want to, you won't hear a peep from me. Why should I put an effort into something that no one else puts the same amount of effort into?

With all of my various life experiences (highs & lows) and the situation of my health, I am really disappointed in my family for abandoning me after my parents passed away. They discarded me like I was even less than trash.

I don't know if they think I've done something wrong (in which case they should have been mature enough to COME TO ME with their problems with me instead of the behavior they are presenting now) or they are making me "pay for the sins" of my parents (which in that case most of which I probably know NOTHING about). Either way is completely unfair to me in every shape & form.

And I'm tired of feeling this way.

I am tired of caring about them

I am tired of them hurting me.

I wanted nothing from them save for them being my FAMILY and my mom's recipes if they had them. I wasn't going to ask them for money, I don't want anything from them except perhaps some time, memories we make, laughs we share, and love... but they are incapable of even that.

Take for instance when my mother was in the hospital DYING of cancer. All she asked was to see my Aunt Martha ... and she never came. Uncle Murray at least came ONCE. Her only sister... and she didn't come. Mom was very hurt by that. She cried. I hated to see my Mom cry especially as sick as she was (hardly able to breath, weak.... the cancer had taken it's toll). I hope she can live with that on her heart for the rest of eternity. It is something I will NEVER forget.

If it's true that my Uncle is dead that means my Aunt is the last of the 3 children of my Grandaddy and Mama Ruby. And if Karma is a bitch... if Karma truly DOES exist... then as bad as she's treated not only me, my parents, my grandparents (her own mom & dad), her children (even if they won't admit it), and various other family members across her entire lifespan.... then karma will leave her mostly alone and miserable like she's made all of us who suffered by her lack of emotions and feelings concerning her own flesh and blood.

If it's untrue about my Uncle being dead.... then this shows you what kind of person my Aunt Martha truly is. I have never been more ashamed in my life to be related to someone ... especially me with my big heart and how I am like Grandaddy in always helping people and putting others first like my Mom did... it's embarrassing to have a family member that is like this let alone one I was named after.

So for all those reading this ... this is why I've been away ... debating on how much of this information to truly share publicly. I decided it was just best for my conscience and heart if I just told the truth from MY point of view (there are always 2 sides to every story, this is just mine) and shared it with my readers.

With that said... I wash my hands of them FOREVER. I am done trying. I am done putting my heart up for the pain they repeatedly cause me. I am tired of them disappointing me at every turn. I am simply done.

Please. No sympathy.

None is needed.

It is what it is ... and I can live with it.

Question is... can they?

8 comments:

  1. You must realize by now that the problem is not with you, it is with them. Whatever their issues are do not matter at this point, water under the bridge. I have learned over the years that we can keep going back for more hurt in damaged relationships, or we can move on to create our own families from people who truly love and care about us, which clearly these do not. No one with a heart would return a message such as this. Close that door and lock it, and open the front one to a new life, there are people who will love you just for who you are, no other strings attached. There are so many good things about you and gifts you have to share. Let the pain make you stronger, you are a survivor and you will! XOXO

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    1. Josie, Thank you. I think I took this to heart most of my life because I always wanted FAMILY... but my family didn't want me. Mom and Dad were so good to me that I was spoiled into thinking all family could and WOULD love you like that. I am sadly disappointed. But you know, it's her loss. I am just really disappointed in her. I wish I wasn't named after such a person so I will NO LONGER claim I am named after her. I am letting it go. It's gave me many hard lessons.... and I am stronger for that. Sadly, at her age (which is around 70+) she is pretty much set in her ways and thinks she knows it all... when she doesn't. I am sad she is so close minded but I shut the door on her now. I will NEVER communicate with her again... and I am done. I move on now to BETTER things and BETTER people who are WORTH my time. I thank you Josie for such kind words. XOXO

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  2. We are about 20 years older than you, dear Lady Martha... my Mom's family treated us in a similar fashion...
    "Family" who we spent our life growing up believing them to be "Good"... sadly disappointed...

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    1. I wish I was family with you my dear Dr. We'd have so much fun and so much to talk about.

      Sadly, My family just isn't what I though of when I thought of the word... so I guess... you can't pick your blood but you can pick your family that YOU spend time with... and you can make them friends and other people that CARE about you. I hate it has gone this way ... but it is what it is. I hope you have lots of people who love you Dear Dr. You are one of my fave people.

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  3. Sometimes you just have to turn your back to those who hurt you without cause or reason. They have been hurt somewhere along the line and foolishly choose to harden their hearts and in doing so hurt others. Don't be like them. Just let them go and you live the best life you know how to.

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    1. I turn my back once, twice, ... a million times. I thought if I wrote her a small letter asking for a recipe from her or Uncle Murray... and I get THAT kind of response. It was unfeeling, uncaring... heartless. I am so ashamed of it. I will NEVER be like her. When I was younger she wanted me to be like her and I wouldn't do that... so she snubbed me a lot in my youth. It's best just to let her go. She's not worth it anymore and I have a life to live and BELIEVE ME I am gonna live a GOOD one.

      Thanks my friend.

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  4. you seem like a nice dear person. do you have a husband boyfriend?? let his family be yours went through something similar

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    1. No I am not married and I won't marry again. But I live with someone and his family are very nice .... I hope they think of me as family. I made some mistakes being off my depression pills and maybe said some things to them a couple of times... but it's taken me a while to recover from Mom and Dad's deaths, my divorce, losing my home, trying to establish myself, and a heart attack. I just hope I haven't hurt them to the point they don't regard me as anything less....

      However, as far as my family goes... that bridge is officially BURNED. I am done and I am moving on.

      Thank you Anonymous.

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