I wrote a letter to my Uncle Murray and Aunt Martha... I asked politely for the recipe for my Mom's lasagna and/or the bbq sauce if they had it. I even enclosed a self addressed stamped envelope for them to mail it back to me.
On the 25th of this month I hear back... same paper I sent to them ... 2 sentences "I have no idea" "Murray passed 3/25/2017". Signed simply "Martha" aka my Aunt.
I just froze.
THIS is how I hear about my Uncle... My Mom's ONLY brother dying? If he's even dead really because I searched all through the internet, newspapers, etc searching for his obituary with NOTHING coming up at all. It's kind of FUNNY that he died on 3/25.... cause that's his birthday. Like I wouldn't know that.
Either they didn't make it public that he died or she is lying to me... either way it is a COLD HEARTLESS way to be told that information in ANY light. It's not like she didn't have my freaking email address ... probably had my address too.... it's not like she didn't know how to contact me regardless. This just proved my theory... I mean NOTHING to these people. Never did.
And again... my heart broke.
I should have expected this. Truly. My 39 years on this earth ... this is the way they've always been. Cold. Uncaring. Unfeeling.
Also this isn't the first time my Aunt didn't tell someone about a family member's death. My great Aunt Daisy died and Mom & I didn't find out till we read it in the local newspaper's obituaries.
I don't know how to find out if he is truly gone or not... kinda funny not even an obituary or anything... I searched both funeral homes that my family used in the past with NO leads.
And frankly after that response.... should I even care anymore?
It hurts so bad to feel like my own flesh and blood doesn't give a damn about you. I was raised to VALUE family... yet, it's obvious, they do not value me.
I am 39 going to turn 40 this October 27th... I am getting TOO old for their uncaring ways making ME feel like I am not "good enough" for them. Truth is... they are not good enough for me. I am a great person to be in your family ... but the communication is a two way street... I am the kind of person that doesn't want to "bug" or "bother" people with my presence unless they WANT it... so if you don't write, call, contact me in some way shape or form... chances are unless I really want to, you won't hear a peep from me. Why should I put an effort into something that no one else puts the same amount of effort into?
With all of my various life experiences (highs & lows) and the situation of my health, I am really disappointed in my family for abandoning me after my parents passed away. They discarded me like I was even less than trash.
I don't know if they think I've done something wrong (in which case they should have been mature enough to COME TO ME with their problems with me instead of the behavior they are presenting now) or they are making me "pay for the sins" of my parents (which in that case most of which I probably know NOTHING about). Either way is completely unfair to me in every shape & form.
And I'm tired of feeling this way.
I am tired of caring about them
I am tired of them hurting me.
I wanted nothing from them save for them being my FAMILY and my mom's recipes if they had them. I wasn't going to ask them for money, I don't want anything from them except perhaps some time, memories we make, laughs we share, and love... but they are incapable of even that.
Take for instance when my mother was in the hospital DYING of cancer. All she asked was to see my Aunt Martha ... and she never came. Uncle Murray at least came ONCE. Her only sister... and she didn't come. Mom was very hurt by that. She cried. I hated to see my Mom cry especially as sick as she was (hardly able to breath, weak.... the cancer had taken it's toll). I hope she can live with that on her heart for the rest of eternity. It is something I will NEVER forget.
If it's true that my Uncle is dead that means my Aunt is the last of the 3 children of my Grandaddy and Mama Ruby. And if Karma is a bitch... if Karma truly DOES exist... then as bad as she's treated not only me, my parents, my grandparents (her own mom & dad), her children (even if they won't admit it), and various other family members across her entire lifespan.... then karma will leave her mostly alone and miserable like she's made all of us who suffered by her lack of emotions and feelings concerning her own flesh and blood.
If it's untrue about my Uncle being dead.... then this shows you what kind of person my Aunt Martha truly is. I have never been more ashamed in my life to be related to someone ... especially me with my big heart and how I am like Grandaddy in always helping people and putting others first like my Mom did... it's embarrassing to have a family member that is like this let alone one I was named after.
So for all those reading this ... this is why I've been away ... debating on how much of this information to truly share publicly. I decided it was just best for my conscience and heart if I just told the truth from MY point of view (there are always 2 sides to every story, this is just mine) and shared it with my readers.
With that said... I wash my hands of them FOREVER. I am done trying. I am done putting my heart up for the pain they repeatedly cause me. I am tired of them disappointing me at every turn. I am simply done.
Please. No sympathy.
None is needed.
It is what it is ... and I can live with it.
Question is... can they?