Thursday

Martha's 31 Days of Horror Day 27: It's My Birthday

That's right... October 27th...
 
IT'S MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!!!!
 
 
HAPPY MONSTERMARTHA DAY!
 
 
So to celebrate I wanna just tell you all a little something about me... I am gonna use this
as a post to air out some things on my mind
lately... things about my past... so be warned.
 
 
For years I thought of myself as ... lacking.
I thought something was wrong with me.
I wasn't "normal". I didn't want to do
what the other girls did, I didn't want to
smile all the time, I didn't want to go party,
I didn't want to have sleep overs, I didn't
want to go to bars/clubs...
 
I just wanted to sing, listen to metal,
play games, watch movies... and be me.
 
For many years many people made me think
there was something wrong with me.
 
So I want to take a few minutes to acknowledge those
who shaped MONSTERMARTHA into who she is.
 
 
People I went to school with...
they would call me names, lie about me,
beat me up, threaten me... I was even bullied
and raped. No one cared. No one helped.
To all the people who said those things to me, did those HORRIBLE things to me...
you only fueled the fires inside me to be me.
I never changed. I never conformed to your will.
I never gave up or gave in to you.
You who stood by and let it happen are just
as guilty as those who did the deeds.
Thank all of you for showing me the friends
I didn't need and the people at their lowest form.
 
 
 
My own family (excluding my late parents)
make up lies and rumors about me and shun me
because I am the black sheep of the family.
Truth is they are close minded individuals
who were never truly my family because family
doesn't treat each other like that. I am truly glad
I don't have to see or deal with any of you EVER
again... because you have shown who you are.
Thank you for showing me I don't need blood to survive,
family isn't always family, and that I can do anything
better than any of you... WITHOUT YOU.
 
 
My ex husband of 13 years who abused me mentally,
emotionally, and verbally. You held me down for 13
years but what you failed to realize is one day I'd
wake up and see you for what you really are. A liar,
a cheater, a thief, a manipulator, and an abuser.
I freed myself from your tyranny. I won... you lost.
Thank you for showing me who I truly am...
BETTER WITHOUT YOU.
 
 
To the various "religious" freaks and churches that
threw me out over and over when I was seeking help
for things I was going through (miscarriage, trying to find
my place in this world, divorce, or just a teenager thrown in
because people thought she was a devil worshipper). You
all showed me what I didn't want to be and what I didn't need
in my life. If that is faith I don't need it. If being a good
"Christian" means making fun of a girl who just miscarried her
child in front of the entire church, ridiculing a scared teen who
didn't know what devil worshipping was but was thrown into
your church to "SAVE" her soul, or turning your back on an
abused woman crying for help when she needed it most...
then I don't know what good is at all. One church even
did a whole Sunday sermon on me calling me the
"ANTI-CHRIST". You taught me something that day...
you gave me a power I didn't have by calling me evil.
Thank you for giving me the faith & power to believe in myself.
 
 
Yes, I thanked each of these pathetic wastes of life.
Why?
Because... without them harming me, I wouldn't be me.
Lessons learned.
 
I thank them because their failed attempts never broke me.
Never truly changed any thing. They just opened doors
that I gladly walk through, slamming them behind me as I
keep on my way through life, not looking back to give a
DAMN about them what-so-ever.
 
I thought there was something wrong with me.
But there wasn't.
There was something wrong with THEM.
Sadly, I was just in the way of their insanity.
Doesn't excuse what any of them did at all...
but it's past... and those are the things that made me ...
ME.
 
It's a horror story of a past, I know.
I tell it and remember it because if my story
can help ONE person out there, it was worth it.
If I can inspire someone... if I can help one person
walk away from abuse, find help before it's too late,
or help someone who is suffering then I feel that it
has been worth the journey I've taken.
 
To those reading this, you don't have to suffer.
Turn your bullies in.
Report any threat to your person/life.
You can walk away from ANY situation.
YOU CAN SURVIVE!
Don't live in SHAME of who you are.
You are beautiful.
From the best to the worst about you,
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
 
 
ANYWAY.
 
 
 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
IT'S MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY
LET'S WATCH HORROR MOVIES.
 
YAY!
 
 
Thank you all for continuing reading
MonsterMartha.com
 
Truly I appreciate all of you.
 
XOXOXOXO
 

3 comments:

  1. You are strong little one. Hold that head up beautiful. I am rooting for you.

    P*

    ReplyDelete
  2. Happy Birthday, dear Lady Martha.... we posted "Skulls" for you..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ooooh. head over there NOW! Dr. has prescribed just what MonsterMartha needs.

      Delete

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