So while most people are celebrating their Mom's today... women, like me, who have either lost their mothers and/or their daughters get to sit here on this day while everyone else is CELEBRATING.
For me it is a double dose. I lost my chance at being a mom when my baby died 4 months along on December 23rd, 1996. I lost the most important person in my life, my Mom, to lung cancer on July 8th, 2013. So at this time of year, it really hits me hard on two fronts when Mother's Day rolls around.
What is a woman to do when she's lost 2 most very important things in her life and everyone else is celebrating theirs?
In all honesty, I can tell you, I don't know.
It's been over 20 years since I lost my daughter... and it's been 3 since I lost my Mom. None of this gets any easier. Time doesn't heal all wounds. Time doesn't stop grief. Time does nothing but pass... and my heart does nothing but ache.
No matter how many times people say "you'll get over it", "you'll be fine", "it'll get better" ... it never does and I think it never will as long as I am breathing.
My Mom was a beautiful soul. How does a person get over such a person in your life let alone the one who brought you into this world? My Daughter was innocent. Never knew this world.... still, how can a person get over not being able to be the one thing in life they wanted to be... a Mom?
I dread this time of year as much as my birthday and Christmas because seeing all the cards and heartfelt expressions from some people.... they remind me what I've lost. There is no one here for me... no daughter to say she loves me, no mom to tell I love you to .... I've lost them both.
And I remain.
The lone survivor.
Happy Mother's Day.