Tuesday

Happier now than I ever was with him.

Sometimes,
when things seem to be falling apart...
perhaps it's the opposite,
perhaps they aren't falling apart
just falling into place.


 
 
 
Today would have been my 16 year anniversary with the ex.
It's the 3 year anniversary that he kicked me out.
 
And you know what?
I'm FUCKING celebrating.
 
Why? you ask.
 
When I look back on all he put me through, everything that he said, did...
continued to do... everything he didn't do he should have done, I know now
I am better off now than I ever was with him.
 
 
He's no REAL man.
A real man wouldn't treat a person he "loves" like that.
A real man wouldn't put someone he "cares" about though what he put me through.
A real man would have moved heaven and hell to help his "wife" no matter what the cost.
 
Instead, I got not even HALF a man... I got a dummy.
A mannequin.
Cold. Unfeeling. Unloving. Uncaring. Hollow.
He cared for nothing and no one but himself.
 
 
Why should I stay shackled to a man who felt nothing?
cared for nothing?
 
 
So today instead of being sad my marriage failed...
I shall celebrate my freedom from living a lie.
It was NEVER a marriage. I was carrying around
a dummy for 13 years and now the weight of that dummy is off
my shoulders... I am a free and HAPPY woman !
 
How can I say that?
 
Well, I am free to be myself, like what I want, do what I want,
think what I want, and act how I want without him CONTROLLING ME,
PUTTING ME DOWN, EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF OTHERS...
I am free because I am not chained to a man who didn't respect or love me.
 
If he HAD loved me, he would have fought to keep me...
but truth is... he loves NO ONE... he can be remarried (after only 5 months
after our divorce was final, even my lawyer and judge friend said that there
was something awfully suspicious about that) all he wants.
She'll find out ... probably the hard way like I did and by then
it will be TOO LATE. I don't feel sorry for her or anyone
in his life for believing him or putting up with him...
they CHOOSE to believe his lies and manipulations so it's on their heads...
NOT MINE!
 
I no longer care...
I'm free.
 
 
I will celebrate my divorce date on May 31st too.
It'll be one of the MOST celebrated days for me...
the day I TOOK BACK my freedom... RECLAIMED who MARTHA is...
and said I will NEVER EVER let a
man DEFINE who I am again.

 

2 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Not 100% but without my ex... most definitely HAPPIER. He stifled me. Wouldn't let me be me. Now that I am away from his control, after 3 years, I can see what he did... and I am a better person without him.

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