Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Mama told me there'd be days like this...

I was driving home today when a though occurred to me... life is NOT fair.

I used to wonder why my parents had no money for things. Why we always STRUGGLED. Why it felt as if we were always in debt and behind on everything. I was a young child when I first felt this but I never let on to my parents that I felt their struggle and didn't understand why. Both parents WORKED. Dad was an electrician and Mom did several jobs (bartender, waitress, landscaping, florist, and even her own arts & crafts business). There was ALWAYS money coming in and yes food was always on the table ... but why did it always seem we didn't have any money for anything else? It always puzzled me as a child. I even went so far as to blame them for poor money management in my youth because I thought perhaps it was their fault we didn't have extra.
Boy was I wrong.
If my parents were alive right now, I'd apologize.
Screw it.
Mom, Dad... I am so fucking sorry I ever blamed you for the lack of money in our lives. It's now as an adult I see why we had none. I see the struggle and it IS real. You did the BEST you could with what you had... and I am thankful every second of every day I had 2 loving, hard working parents who busted their asses on a daily basis to provide for me like my parents did.
Thank you Mom and Dad... I appreciate it. Even now. Even now that you are gone.
You work, you struggle, repeat... it seems once you think you are ahead something else comes up and throws you back into the struggle again. For me right now, it's a broken fridge & a huge light bill (thanks to the summer heat). I am at my wits end with the responsibilities I have... you pay what you can when you can but stuff ends up getting behind and then sometimes CUT OFF cause you can't do anything due to lack of funds. Prices inflate but wages and earnings DO NOT. It's a sad cycle.
The world owes NONE of us anything. We are not entitled to anything. We have to work, suffer, and struggle. It's a part of life. I just wish sometimes... the struggle would be a little easier to take. That's all.


  1. Amen.

    The best we can do, I guess, is to try and make the struggle a little easier for others.

    1. Exactly. I try to help people when I can. I give people the benefit of the doubt. The sad thing is I have no one to help me or depend on cause when my parents died, I lost all the family I had. Now it's just me.


I will respond when I can. Thank you for your opinions and comments.