Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Mom ... I love you. 2 year anniversary of death.

I've been thinking a lot about what to write about my Mom on the 2nd anniversary of her death. I didn't say much last year because one year had passed and it still hurt like hell. I don't think anyone understands how much Mom's death has done to me.

My Mom was a good woman at heart. Sure, she'd bitch and if she got mad enough all hell would break loose... but overall, Ruby Carolyn Pittman was a kind-hearted woman who always had kind words, a smile, and a helpful hand to anyone's path she crossed.

Now some (mostly family) would say bad things... but they didn't really know my Mom the way I did. I saw what she did. I saw her give money, food, clothing, or etc. to complete strangers who had none even when she barely had any for herself. She would sacrifice time, money, and her blood/sweat/tears if she believed in something. Mom worked hard at whatever job she had cashier, bartender, landscaper... and she worked harder than anyone (even my Dad, sorry Dad). She was dedicated to her family and her job. Mom loved to cook and MAN could she. When you needed her, my Mom was there. Mom would make sure Dad and I had before she had.

She was not only my Mom but my advisor, my confidant, my BEST friend.

My Mom was always there for me. She never judged me for what I said or did.. she'd simply be there to help me pick up pieces I had scattered in the chaos that was my life. She taught me how to cook, clean, and how to be a decent human being. She gave me everything I ever asked for or wanted but beyond that... she gave me what I needed, her love.

Without my Mom, this world is a dark and dreary place I don't really like to be in. But I know my Mom would never want me to give up. She always encouraged me to be my best... to just be ME. And for her, I will be.

My Mom's urn sits beside me on the 2nd to top shelf of a bookcase I call "The Shrine". Her own little shelf is decorated with roses (she loved them), angels, and pictures of her, Dad, and I... plus her urn that contains the only woman in this world I could say I loved and trusted (she ASKED to be cremated and I kept her).

Sometimes, I still hear her words when I am unsure about things or do something ... I hear her voice and try to follow her guidance even now.

Mom was taken from me way too soon. I needed her ... I had just had my heart attack on 8/20/12, then I got divorced 5/30/13, then she passed on 7/8/13... then Dad on 12/22/13. I have had a hard time dealing with all of this... but I am pulling through. I pull through because of the strength Mom showed me I have.

I know nothing can bring her back... and I just want to go on the record to say FUCK CANCER and FUCK SMOKING cause that is what took my beloved Mommy away from me. Now, I know Mom can't be brought back but I think she is always with me. I am an only child and to have no family now... it's heartbreaking.

Still Mom's voice echoes in my head... and I know I am gonna be alright.

I love you Mom. 2 years have passed and I am still as hurt as the moment it happened. I sometimes think I can't make it without you... but I know you want me to go on.... be strong, like you taught me. I am hanging in there Mommy. I'll see you again. Till then, I carry your love in my heart and your teachings still form my soul. Thank you for being my Mom... and allowing me to be your daughter. I love you, forever... until the end of time.

1 comment:

I will respond when I can. Thank you for your opinions and comments.