Tuesday, October 1, 2013

How MonsterMartha Rates Things

I get asked a lot...
"How do you rate stuff MonsterMartha" ?


Well... here's the answer.




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Non-Horror Movie Reviews

These movies are NOT horror ... so they get SILVER STARS.
Here is the rating system.



1 star means that the movie SUCKED and you should skip it instead of wasting time on this flop.


2 stars means the movie was fair enough to watch one time but wasn't that impressive.


3 stars means that the movie was decent to watch and very entertaining. There are SOME flaws but it doesn't take away from the overall enjoyment of the film.


4  stars means this was a very good movie even good enough to add to a movie collection. A must see!


5  stars is RARE. This is reserved for the BEST OF THE BEST movies. If a movie gets this rating it means MonsterMartha LOVED it and will view it multiple times... probably obsessing over it at some point.

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HORROR MOVIE REVIEWS

These are horror movies so they get a special system of rating called BLOODY EYEBALLS.

Here is how it works...



1 bloody eyeball means this fucking shit is garbage and should be flushed down the toilet. AVOID AT ALL COSTS. It will make your brain bleed... and possibly your ass too.


2 bloody eyeballs means that it was an okay movie. Pretty lame and boring by horror standards but if you are bored it is worth checking out at least once.


3 bloody eyeballs mean this movie was good. Not great. Just good. You should see it but don't expect too much because it falls short in some aspect.


4 bloody eyeballs means that this movie was very good and should be viewed even possibly added to a movie collection.


5 bloody eyeballs means this movie was THE BEST THING EVER according to MonsterMartha. You must see this or Martha will conger up a spirit to haunt your ass till you do.

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Products/Games/Music/Books etc...

★★★★★ Great! The best of the best
★★★★ Good, worth checking out
★★★ Fair, worth it only if you are INTERESTED
★★ Bad, not worth checking out, skip if you can.
★ Horrible, the kind of horrible that makes you want to gouge your eyes out with a spork.

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Food

Looks
★★★★★ Looks so good you wanna frame a picture of it
★★★★ Good looking food, can't get much better than this
★★★ Fair looking, isn't the best looking but at least RESEMBLES food.
★★ Bad. Looks like something mentioned on the menu but not what I pictured
★ Horrible, doesn't even look like food at all.
Taste
★★★★★ Great! The best of the best
★★★★ Good, worth eating more than once
★★★ Fair, worth it only if you are hungry and there's nothing else
★★ Bad, SKIP, this food was NOT up to par on this one.
★ Horrible, the kind of horrible that makes you wanna throw it back up right then and there.

Costs
★★★★★ Great food, Great Price!
★★★★ Good, worth the price paid!
★★★ Fair, felt like I could have gotten more for my money!
★★ Bad, felt cheated.
★ Horrible, felt like I got very little and paid a whole lot. BAD BAD BAD!


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And that's how we rate stuff & things.

TADA!

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