Monday, August 7, 2017

NOT BROKEN

A lot of time people will claim that a relationship left them "BROKEN".

I once said these words too.

Now that I think about it... I mean, really sit back and think about it, broken isn't the right word. Broken means something that can't be repaired. In my case ... I DID overcome my abuse and divorce. I was able to pull myself back from the depths of the abyss and I actually became STRONGER than I was before.

There is no situation you can't come back from. It may take a lot of time or it might take no time at all. Time really isn't the FACTOR here. I am saying that no one stays completely broken for their lives. Yea, the things you encounter in your life can hurt you, scar you, make you who you are... but they don't necessarily BREAK you. They make you take a look at yourself from another angle. You reform yourself from what is left. You pick up what you can, you learn, you move on.

So the way I see it... you can chose to let a relationship or situation BREAK you (break down and just stop functioning) or you can just say it CRACKED you a little... it didn't leave you BROKEN... no. It just temporarily left you a little cracked... but you just glued that bitch right back up and moved on like it never happened... better, stronger version of yourself!

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

I made some new friends.

So on Saturday these kids were standing at the end of the road I live on as I went to check my mail box at our kiosk.

They had found a parakeet and asked me if I knew the actual owner which I didn't but I did have an idea that Marie that lives down the road that USED to live next door to me has birds and it might be hers. So the kids asked me to walk them down the road since their parents were busy or at work... and I agreed. Off our first adventure began...

We got to Marie's house and it WAS her bird. JOB WELL DONE. I learned the children with me where named John, Madison, Amara, and Emma. John and Madison are twins and Emma is their Mom's best friend's daughter. Amara has ALWAYS lived in the same neighborhood as me and I have talked to her before but I didn't know her name.

So these children asked me... "CAN YOU BE OUR FRIEND?"

I agreed.

Sunday rolls around and around 1pm a knock comes at my door and there all 4 stood asking if I could come out and just hang out with them. Of course I could... so I did. And here are some pics on facebook of that day.

 

2 things said I remember clearly that day....
"Miss Martha, you are the nicest person we've ever met" - The kids all agreeing together.
"We will be your family... We adopt you. Martha is like our new step mom or something" - Madison

My heart was melting. I agreed to see them again Monday and sure enough... Monday... knock came at my door for us all to hang out again.

We walked and talked until around 8pm ... some hugs occurred and a few tears... a couple of lessons about life and how you can't stay mad at someone who says something and IMMEDIATELY apologizes cause it JUST CAME OUT. Forgiveness was key.

So... these kids have said that I am their AUNT now... and I don't quite mind it at all.

They are making me feel like I actually have a purpose. I feel special and I feel valued. I know this might be silly... they are kids (the twins turn 11 on the 4th) but I feel a special connection with them. I talk to them on a level where it's respectful and not like an adult who wants to constantly look down as authority. I try to be more like someone who is wise, fun, and someone they can RELATE too. They have told me REPEATEDLY how they love me, they are my family, and they want to do so many things with me.

I just wanted to make this an ENTRY because... it's kinda special to me.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

You are not their scapegoat

Sometimes you just have to remove people without warning because I am getting too old to be explaining in details what they already know they are doing wrong. 

I don't know why people constantly have to place the blame on someone else instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. If you do something why not be a fucking adult and own up to it? No. Most days people just try to find a scapegoat to place their blame on instead of doing the right thing and admitting their mistakes to begin with. 

I get tired of being the person with my heart on my sleeve ... the person who has a big heart and is always giving people more chances than they deserve. I always tell the truth and try to do the right thing but people take advantage of that to the point where they nearly destroy me every time. 

That is why I am starting to learn to just remove these people .... without warning from my life. Their toxic behavior infects my mind and very soul. If I allow them to remain, they will believe they can repeat the process for as long as they want to. 

If you don't put your foot down... if you don't take a stand and do what you need to do FOR YOU, these TOXIC people will poison you and you will start to hate yourself. 

They are manipulating you... and that is a form of abuse.

The best thing to do in these situations is to break away from the negative energy and concentrate on what is important. YOU. 

So when people blame you for something they did, something THEY can't take RESPONSIBILITY for their own actions then just light a match, walk across the bridge, toss that bitch behind you, walk fast while the fucker burns down behind you. 

Free yourself.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

I'm Back Baby


After a much needed hiatus from blogging... I am back.

Miss me?

Ha.

Anyway... so yea, I am back. What have I been doing? Soul searching. I am now at a better place. I am more at peace with myself and my situation. Everything here is fine. Things are going much better. Been able to catch most of my bills up. All the kitties are super... and Waffles is getting SO big (he's still MY BABY). Been enjoying WWE, the beach, music, games, and my kitties.

Most of all... I have SO many ideas. I might share them here... might not. I can't really tell you WHAT I will be doing... or when. If the mood hits me... it'll happen. 

I must also apologize if you have seen some of the "DRAMA" from other people in my life as of late. Some people say one thing without knowing the WHOLE story... they'll get other people's opinions/side but then just assume I was in the wrong. They NEVER ask me for my side. Then they create this huge cluster fuck of DRAMA... so if you've witnessed it... rest assure, it's over... I'm under and over it... and life is SO much better.

Truly... I am 100% happier now. 

Thank you all for sticking around and being PATIENT with me as I work out the bumps in the road. We all experience life in different ways... how we deal with it is what makes us who we are.

I hope all of you are well... and I wish you nothing but HAPPINESS and SAFETY in your lives.

XOXO

Sunday, July 23, 2017

100 songs which have meant something special to me throughout my life


I was challenged...

"I don't think you can think of 100 songs that meant something to you. You'll stop before 50."

OH REALLY!?!?!

Challenged accepted.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER... 


1. Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond - This song was one of my Mom's favorites. I can remember riding with her in her black Mazda RX7 and she'd be playing this... Yea, It means a lot.

2. Lucky Star by Madonna - I used to LIVE to hear this song come on the radio because I loved to sing along. "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight..."

3. Eye of the Tiger by Survivor - My Grandaddy (Mom's Dad) bought me a Smurf Drum Set one year and I sat in my room at that drum set waiting sometimes HOURS for this to come on the radio so I could play along. These days I sing it but I change all the "HE"s to "SHE".

4. My Toot Toot by Fats Domino - My Mama Ruby (Mom's Mom) would sing this to me all the time... I had no idea what it was about back then but now I do. It's a riot. I love it.

5. Fade to Black by Metallica - While BATTERY was the first introduction I had to Metallica back in 1983 at the age of 6, Fade to Black is MY song when it comes to Metallica. This song saved my life when I tried to kill myself. I felt like NO ONE understood me. Metallica constantly reminds me that I am not alone... and I owe them SO much. The lyrics that got to me where "life it seems will fade away, drifting further everyday, getting lost within myself, nothing matters no one else...".

6. Boy from New York City by Manhattan Transfer - It said KITTY in it. I fell in love instantly. I used to sing this by request for my parents as a child. Still love it to this day.

7. Queen of Hearts by Juice Newton - I was taught to play cards by age 3 so when I heard this song I fell in love. "Playing with the Queen of Hearts, Knowing it ain't really smart, the Joker is the only fool, who'll do anything for you."

8. Fire and Ice by Pat Benatar - This one use to give me chills as a child but I loved it. I dreamed of a lady of fire battling a lady of ice. It made my imagination ignite... I loved it.

9. Thriller by Michael Jackson - When I first heard this song (being the horror lover I was and am) I was enthralled. I loved how Michael embraced his love for horror movies with the song and video and also adding Vincent Price who is all ALL TIME FAVORITE HORROR MOVIE ACTOR to do the "rap" was awesome.

10. Alone by Heart - For some reason this song just speaks to me on so many levels. Perhaps because I have been in love with people I can't have a lot in my life.

11. The Gambler by Kenny Rogers - As a VERY young child my parents were awesome and taught me to play not only dice but cards. So any song involving CARDS was awesome in my books. I always loved this song because it was just FUN!

12. Karma Chameleon by Culture Club - It's a fun song. I don't care what any one says... I love it. I used to listen to the record in my room all the time and it made me smile... for some reason, it still holds that special place in my life.

13. Monster Mash by Bobby "Boris" Pickett - Yea, I love this song. It was about a bunch of MONSTERS dancing around ... what's NOT to love?!?!

14. Purple People Eater by Sheb Wooley - OK Judge me I don't care... "it was a one eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater..." It's FUCKING awesome ok?!?

15. Crazy Train by Ozzy - "Crazy but that's how it goes..." How can you not love OZZY?!?! His stuff is always some of the best metal has had to offer, solo OR with Black Sabbath. I enjoy Ozzy's early years especially this song "I'm going off the rails on a crazy train"... classic.

16. The Stroke by Billy Squire - I would have a record on while in my pool as a child swimming with my little toys while this song played. It was some of the BEST DAYS of my life.

17. Rebel, Rebel by David Bowie - You might see Bowie on this list more than once because my Dad LOVED David Bowie and I happened to inherit that love. LOL. Honestly, Rebel Rebel was one of the best songs with a catchy beat and great lyrics.

18. Duel of Fates from Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace - This freaking song... is BRILLIANT. It sets up the duel between Darth Maul, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Qui Gon Jinn. It was just a GREAT freaking melody and haunting vocals. AWESOME.

19. Cirice by Ghost -  Ok Ok, Most true Ghost fans would say if you think this is their best song you are not a TRUE Ghost fan. I've been a fan of Ghost since WAY before this song... but this song I swear is for me. "I can hear the thunder that's breaking in your heart, I can see through the scars inside you". I love it so much.

20. The Devil in I by Slipknot - "Undo these chains my friend I’ll show you the rage I've hidden" It is so much me that I can't help but love it. I held in so much of my anger and rage from years of bullying and abuse that this song helps me to vent that.

21. Snuff by Slipknot - of all the broken heart songs in the world... this one describes everything I have ever felt in one song. "Bury all your secrets in my skin Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins The air around me still feels like a cage And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again So if you love me, let me go. And run away before I know. My heart is just too dark to care. I can't destroy what isn't there. Deliver me into my fate, if I'm alone I cannot hate I don't deserve to have you My smile was taken long ago, if I can change I hope I never know' For a heavy metal group, Slipknot sure shows a lot of heart.

22. Speed of Pain by Marilyn Manson - another song that describes all the heartbreak I used to feel "I wish I could sleep But I can't lay on my back Because there's a knife For every day that I've known you"

23. Wicked Game by Chris Issacs and Slipknot - I love both versions of this song because Chris Issacs sang the original and he was AWESOME... but then I heard my guy Corey Taylor of Slipknot do an acoustic of this song and I was blown away. So much feeling is in this song. I love it.

24. Wrong Side of Heaven by Five Finger Death Punch - "Arms wide open I stand alone I'm no hero and I'm not made of stone Right or wrong I can hardly tell I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" Something about this song speaks to the younger version of me who used to think I was alone in this world and no one understood me. It was hard for me being an only child not to know if I was really doing the right thing... but this song really makes me feel like I wasn't really alone in that feeling.

25. From the Ashes by In This Moment - "So here we are This is the end But all that dies Is born again The scars will still remain From the ashes, I will rise again" This reminds me that I have been a STRONG woman and that no matter what happens I will rise and become stronger still. Nothing can keep me down if I don't allow it to.

26. We Are the World by USA for Africa - I loved this song when it came out because Michael Jackson sang with a bunch of other artists and I thought that was the greatest thing ever. I loved it so much I organized my entire 2nd grade class, taught them the lyrics, and we sang it.

27. Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jr. - It's part of my youth. I was so EXCITED when the movie hit but I loved the soundtrack too... it was one of the BEST soundtracks ever done.

28. Against All Odds by Phil Collins - This is another song that just breaks my heart. I used to listen to it when I would love someone but couldn't have them... which happened a lot in my youth.

29. Paint It Black by Rolling Stones - This song is a classic and it was way ahead of it's time. The Stones always did that though. I love the lyrics especially "I look inside myself and see my heart is black I see my red door and must have it painted black Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black"

30. Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me by George Michael & Elton John - This song is just so beautiful. I can't help but love it. It has so much heart and meaning in the lyrics that you can feel the desperation of someone who is just hanging on... and hoping.

31. The Ghost of Vincent Price by Wednesday 13 - I love this song because it is about my favorite actor... VINCENT PRICE. He was a master of horror and could really do comedy well. I loved his movies.

32. Sadness Part 1 by Enigma - I love the real gothic nature of this song (watch the video it is even more so) but this song had Gregorian Chants in it and it was AWESOME. Made me love Gregorian Chants as well.

33. Let's Hear it for the Boy by Deniece Williams from Footloose - I don't know why I loved this song when I was younger but it just called out to me. It's a fun upbeat song about a girl who really loves her guy and is just singing his praises.

34. I'm Free (Heaven Help the Man) by Kenny Loggins from Footloose - Yea another song from Footloose that I love. I hated the movie actually but this song especially the lyric "If anything's worth my love it's worth the fight". Awesome lyric.

35. Down with the Sickness by Disturbed - This song showed up in a lot of movies I loved and it helped introduce me to a group that became one of my favorites... Disturbed.

36. Human Nature by Michael Jackson - This song was on the Thriller album which was the first album I ever bought with my own money. I love the slow and haunting rhythm of this song.

37. Wanderlust by Paul McCartney - Off of his solo album Tug of War, This song for some reason was my favorite off that album. It's not a well known song or even really was released as a single but when Mom would put on this record, I'd live to hear this song.

38. Black Cat by Janet Jackson - The wild cat growl and metal guitar had me the moment I heard this song. Janet always knew how to push the boundaries and take it a step further... this song was a huge change from her usual and I loved it.

39. Time after Time by Cyndi Lauper - Cyndi Lauper was one of the most unusual women in music at the time I first saw her. She had a lot to do with the WWE and Wrestlemania 1 so I started listening to her music. Time after Time because a huge part of my life because it made me feel better when I felt a little overwhelmed in my life.

40. Here Comes the Rain Again by The Eurythmics - I love anything involving RAIN. This song became my instant favorite because it was about Rain. Yea petty I know but I was a kid and I knew what I liked.

41. Love Song for a Vampire by Annie Lennox from Bram Stoker's Dracula - After the Eurythmics, Annie Lennox went solo and released some of the BEST music. One song was for the Dracula soundtrack in the 90's. The song is so heartbreakingly beautiful that it leaves me at a loss for words most times when I hear it. 

42. Only my Heart Talking by Alice Cooper - This was off the Trash Talk album. My Mom was a HUGE Alice Cooper fan all my life and I liked Alice but this song was released in the late 80's early 90's and I bought the album ... It had the song Poison on it and I loved all the songs... but this one... this one was my favorite.

43. My Heart Can't Tell You No by Rod Stewart - My Dad loved "do you think I'm sexy" and would sing it all the time. But I was flipping through a magazine that had song lyrics in it one day and came across this.... the lyrics captured me and I fell in love from that moment on.

44. Say You, Say Me by Lionel Richie - This song... is perfection. Lionel can preach it like NO other. I was a huge Lionel Richie and Commodores fan growing up. They had a unique sound and it was COOL ... SMOOTH. This song in particular was one that always made me sing along.

45. I just called to say I love you by Stevie Wonder - Mom and I would sing this together all the time... we both ADORED this song. It's just the best of Stevie's work... and no one can make you feel good about a bad situation like Stevie Wonder can.

46. As the World Falls Down by David Bowie from Labyrinth - When I saw Bowie as the Goblin King I was in awe this man could sing, act... is there anything Bowie couldn't do? This song was just beautiful and it made me love Bowie even more for doing something with Jim Henson.

47. Self Control by Laura Brannigan - "Oh the Night, is my world..." I was in with that one lyric. It made me think of a woman who was dark and controlled the creatures of the night. So I loved it. What a young child won't think of huh?

48. I can't make you love me By Bonnie Raitt - The utter heartbreak of this song is so moving. It describes ever feeling of rejection I have ever suffered.

49. Constant Craving by KD Lang - I love this song. The undertones of this song was enough to make me love it but the lyrics are stellar. I didn't really like any other music KD Lang did but this song was enough for me.

50. Say Say Say by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson - I thought this song was so funny because of the video they did. I loved that two of my favorite musicians teamed up to do such a great song.

51. Ebony and Ivory by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder - Another awesome duet with Paul McCartney but this one really means a lot... it's about overcoming the boundaries set by racism. Beautiful song.

52. Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven - I am not a huge fan of Beethoven. Ode to Joy is obnoxious to me... and Symphony No. 5 is WAY overused. Moonlight Sonata is haunting and heartbreaking. You can hear his pining for a lost love or a love he couldn't have in this work.

53. Until it Sleeps by Metallica - "Where do I take this pain of mine? I run, but it stays right by my side So tear me open, pour me out There’s things inside that scream and shout And the pain still hates me So hold me until it sleeps" James Hatfield wrote this song for his mom who had cancer. I liked this song before I knew Mom had cancer... but I can see James' meaning in this song now... and I love it all the more.

54. Square Hammer by Ghost - "Are you on the square, are you on the level, are you ready to swear right here right now before the devil" I don't know why Ghost's song Square Hammer is so freaking awesome but it is. It's very up beat but the message is clear... don't be a fake, but on the square... on the level.

55. Twilight Zone by Golden Earring - "Help I'm steppin' into the twilight zone The place is a madhouse Feels like being cloned My beacon's been moved Under moon and star Where am I to go Now that I've gone too far Soon you will come to know When the bullet hits the bone" I remember the first time I heard this song on the radio and immediately fell in love with it. Golden Earring really knows how to make you like a song with incredible lyrics.

56. Don't Fear The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult - This song is iconic and classic. I remember dreaming of the Grim Reaper coming to a girl and offering to help her with her problems ... an escape if you will. This song always makes me smile. Plus it made for one of the BEST Saturday Night Live Skits EVER with Christopher Walken, Will Ferrell, and a Cowbell.

57. Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler - This song is awesome. In 1993 I won the ACE (Academic Challenge for Excellence) competition's third place vocalist with this song and in 1996 I sang it again at ACE to win a full vocal scholarship so yea, this song means a lot to me. I cry every time I sing it.

58. Who Wants to Live Forever by Queen from Highlander - I loved the Highlander movie but this song was my favorite from ALL the ones Queen did for the soundtrack. It speaks volumes and is beautiful.

59. Music of the Night from the Broadway Musical Phantom of the Opera (Original London Recording) - Sarah Brightman and Michael Crawford singing the "official" "original" version of this song... when I heard this in the 80's I became an instant fan of Phantom and Sarah Brightman. This song is so haunting and it shows how vunerable the Phantom TRULY is.

60. What are you doing for the rest of your life? by Chris Botti & Sting - Botti's smooth jazz trumpet and Sting's vocals make this a sexy song that speaks softly and soothingly to me.

61. Martha My Dear by The Beatles - Paul McCartney wrote this for his dog... but I don't care. It's a cute upbeat song and not a lot of songs out there for MARTHAs.

62. After the Rain by Nelson - A lot of people won't remember in the late 80's early 90's this hair metal band named NELSON but I do. Sons of Ricky Nelson of Ozzie and Harriet TV Show fame... this was a song that was just beautiful "After the rain washes away the tears and all the pain, only after the rain you live again..." awesome.

63. Crossroads by Bone Thugs N Harmony - Bone Thugs N Harmony was huge in the late 90's for this song... it was an awesome song about missing those who have been lost. Honestly, these guys were a great musical talent... wish they had continued.

64. Who's Johnny by El Debarge from Short Circuit - When Mom, Dad, and I would go on vacation and this song would come on Dad would sing it cause it had HIS name in it. Makes me smile just thinking about it.

65. Circle of Life from The Lion King - This song moved me so much in the few minutes it's on screen... that I cried. It is beautifully written and performed. I still cry to this day at the end of it.

66. Don't Drink the Water by Dave Matthews Band (With Alanis Morrisette)- This is a gritty song that just grinds and shows a lot of anger... I love it. It's very theraputic.

67. C is for Cookie by the Cookie Monster from Sesame Street - Damn it C is for Cookie and It's good enough for me. AMEN COOKIE MONSTER PREACH!

68. My Home's in Alabama by Alabama - This song means a lot to me because I discovered in my limited experience of travel that I can leave Alabama but it doesn't leave me. Plus my first year in Marching Band Mr. Kilmury (my band director) wrote his own version of this song and it was BEAUTIFUL.

69. Defying Gravity from the Broadway Musical Wicked - This instantly became a favorite because it is the Wicked Witch of the West's song at a turning point in her story where she sees no matter what she does people will judge her and she's tired of trying to fit a mold... she just wants to be her own person. It's a great song.

70. Gangsta's Paradise by Coolio - This was my senior year homecoming theme... but it meant more than that for me. I loved the movie Dangerous Minds that this was attached to but I loved the message too in the song. We sang it all the time that summer it came out. Fond memories.

71. I've got Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks - OK Garth Brooks is by far one of the best country music talents ever to grace the world. His talent is amazing and this song was just FUN! Everyone sang it and it still to this day gets me singing along.

72. Everybody Wants to Rule the World  by Tears for Fears - This song always had me singing along because the lyrics are amazing. Tears for Fears had a lot of great songs but this one was always my favorite.

73. Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard - OH MY GOD This song is so much fun. It's the ultimate fun song to just sing and have a good time with. In grade school we'd sing this at PE time.

74. Man Eater by Hall and Oates - "The beauty is there but a beast is in her heart" WOW. What a lyric. This song MADE me love it with the great up beat and smooth bass ... the lyrics. Perfection

75. Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Judy Garland from The Wizard of Oz - As a little girl, this song touched me because I knew how Dorothy felt to want so much more from life... but as I grew up it meant a lot more.

76. Jump for my Love by the Pointer Sisters - When I was a small girl I sang this song all the time. Mom would yell that it was on the radio and I'd come in singing.... fun times.

77. Stricken by Disturbed - Something about this song speaks volumes to me. The primal scream of it yet it is heartbreaking in a way. Disturbed has a way of making a song say more than what the actual lyrics mean.

78. Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival - I always pictured werewolves. Yep. This song made me think of werewolves. Still does.

79. Black No. 1 by Type O Negative - Peter Steele's vocals here are amazing. He was taken WAY too soon. This song makes me smile because it's about a little goth girl.

80. This life by Curtis Stigers & The Forest Rangers from Sons of Anarchy - "Ridin' through this world All alone God takes your soul You're on your own The crow flies straight A perfect line On the devil's path Until you die This life is short Baby that's a fact Better live it right You ain't comin' back Gotta raise some hell Before they take you down Gotta live this life Gotta look this world In the eye Gotta live this life Till you die" These lyrics... are EVERYTHING. I always wanted to be a biker chick but sadly I am short and can't ride a motorcycle. I wish I knew people who did cause I would BEG for a ride. Use to ride in my teen years with some people.... I love to ride. It's life.

81. House of the Rising Son by Dolly Parton - Many people have sang this song through the years but I clearly remember this song on Dolly's 9 to 5 album (Cause I had it) and I would sing it all the time. I love this song but her version has a lot of soul behind it.

82. Bad Romance by Lady Gaga - This video was AWESOME but the song itself is one of the best songs I have ever heard... why because it's honest and that's what Lady Gaga is all about.

83. Demons by Imagine Dragons - This song is me ... it screams me... It's beautiful. I love it but I can play it on piano so I sing it like that and it's awesome. Well written song.

84. Bela Lugosi is Dead by Bauhaus - A young girl heard this song ... and she was hooked. Not only was it about BELA LUGOSI one of the greatest horror actors of all time but it was dark and broodingly gothic.

85. Slow Chemical by Finger Eleven (WWE's Kane Entrance Theme) - This was Kane's best theme and I wish he still used it but WWE stopped using music like this for some reason. I love this song for some reason... something dark and fiery about it.

86. Metalingus by Alter Bridge (WWE's Edge Entrance Theme) - This was one of the most BAD ASS Themes ever to grace WWE. "On this day I see clearly everything has come to life A bitter place and a broken dream And we'll leave it all, leave it all behind On this day its so real to me Everything has come to life Another chance to chase a dream Another chance to feel Chance to feel alive"

87. Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd - As a young girl I grew up listening to a lot of what people call CLASSIC ROCK but Pink Floyd was always my favorite because their lyrics made a lot of sense to me. This song helped me a lot through my teen years because it soothed me.

88. Harden my Heart by Quarterflash - In the 80's I used to listen to this on a record I had. I loved it. Something about this song just made me identify with it and now I know why. It's about becoming STRONGER and walking away from pain.

89. The Warrior by Scandal - "Shooting at the walls of heartache, bang bang, I am the warrior, yeah I am the warrior and heart to heart you win if you survive". I love those lyrics.

90. Monster You Made by Pop Evil - This song is kind of a theme for me. Everything the lyrics say is pretty dead on about me except I don't want to erase the monster because the monster is what I became after all the bad things... it made me stronger. The monster for me isn't a sign of weakness or bad things it is a sign that I OVERCAME everything.

91. I feel so numb by Rob Zombie - "Blacken the sun what have I done I feel so good I feel so numb" This song is awesome. I love Rob Zombie but this song really goes with me because I feel I am this way... I am torn about being who I am versus who everyone wanted me to be and I want to blacken the sun (the mistakes) but regret it in a small way... get what I'm saying? LOL.

92. I still haven't found what I'm looking for by U2 - Yea I feel this is me. I've searched my whole life for what I need, want ... but I still haven't found it. I don't know if I ever will.

93. All Along the Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix - Why this version of this song? Because it's the version my Dad loved the most. He was a huge Hendrix fan and this version just shows how GREAT Hendrix truly was.

94. Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler - 80's love song that just stuck with me to this day. Something about the piano and the lyrics just take me back.

95. Time by Alan Parsons Project - This song makes me smile. It's so soothing and calming. I love it to this day. Just a slow moving other worldly sound.

96. Year 2525 by Zager and Evans - Mom had this on a little .45 if you don't know what it means it was a small record single. I loved this song. It was kinda morose but it had a deep meaning WAY before it's time.

97. More Human Than Human by White Zombie - Before Rob Zombie went solo he was in White Zombie and this was the FIRST song I heard by them. It changed EVERYTHING. I was an instant fan. I loved how dark it was but also the clever working in of horror and sci-fi.

98. Sissy Dat Walk by RuPaul - I love a lot of RuPaul's songs but this one changed a lot for me. It gave me more confidence and courage to be myself. Hell if RuPaul can do it... so can I!

99. Ruby by Kenny Rogers - When I was little and bought this album, Mom and I would laugh cause my grandmother would go by Ruby but after she died in 96 Mom started going by Ruby. This reminds me of them. I miss them.

100. Let it Be by The Beatles - This song comforted me and reminded me just to let things go and in time things will be ok. Thanks Beatles.



SO THERE. ALL 100. CHALLENGE COMPLETE. I DID IT. YAY.

Friday, July 21, 2017

Forgiveness

I used to think that holding a grudge was important. That revenge on someone who had wronged you was the only way in which to get peace for the bad things that went on in your life. For years I held grudges and had stored away the hate/anger for certain people due to what they had done to me in the past.

I am older now. Things have changed. I am wiser and stronger. I don't to carry the crosses of my past any longer. It's time to let go of it all and clear my burdens forever.

To hate someone, you first have to love them. You would think to get revenge on someone would be the thing to do but no... if you forgive them... that means you could care less about them and have released the burden of caring about them in any way shape or form off of your shoulders.



To all those listed below know this....
I forgive you NOT for YOU but for ME.
I deserve peace.
I deserve to let go of all my burdens.
By forgiving YOU, I am freeing myself.
This does NOT mean you are welcomed back into my life.
It means I have let go and MOVED ON...
I suggest you do the same.



To all those reading these...
Please don't ASSUME or GUESS at the offence these people have done.
These people are NOT being named and I will NOT reveal the names...
no matter what you say I will not tell you who they are... if you think you know
please do us ALL a favor and don't cause DRAMA. The point of doing this is to 
let go and be FREE of the stress, burden, and drama of the past. Please don't cause
any more PAIN than has already been endured. Thank you.



  • for 13 years of hell
  • for 9 months of hell
  • for saying I was a burden to my mom & dad while mom was dying right beside me in the hospital bed
  • for the pain you caused my parents and I 
  • for telling everyone I was a devil worshipper
  • for lying to everyone and telling them I did something I didn't do.
  • for stealing from me.
  • for using me. 
  • for raping me.
  • for bullying me.
  • for abandoning me. 
  • for trying to brain wash me.
  • for torturing me.
  • for taking my home from me leaving me homeless.
  • for cheating on me.
  • for not loving me. 
  • for stalking me.
  • for assuming I said or did something without checking with me for the TRUTH

I am over it.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Tombstone (Battleground Edition)

So for those of you who REMEMBER Alberto Del Rio and Paige *rolls eyes* more DRAMA has come since their departure from WWE than a soap opera had in one season. The news/rumors now report that Paige and Del Rio are split up but then another one reports that they are still together. Another one reports that Del Rio is abusive to Paige. Paige made a statement that the incident in question (where they got into a public shouting match and she threw a drink on him) was NOT Del Rio's fault. Ok. As a woman who lived through Domestic Abuse twice I can say this is a typical woman trying to hide what her man does to her in FEAR of what retaliation COULD follow OR this is simply what Paige claims it is. NOTHING. Either way... these two are bonkers... I really hope nothing BAD happens in this because between all the drama and rumors it's really a scary situation all the way around. I truly hope Paige seeks help and gets what she needs ... safety, love, support, and peace.

Rumors say that WWE wants CMPUNK back. Ugh. OK. I liked Punk until he left WWE and started SLAMMING it. I mean, REALLY?!?! WWE had Punk as the LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION yet all he did was bitch, bitch, bitch when the title wasn't on him or things weren't going his way. I do admit, Punk is an awesome competitor (in a WWE ring, UFC not so much) and some... SOME of his contributions to WWE are missed but he can leave the attitude at the fucking door.

Ok... despite the crappy name and disaster that was Great Balls of Fire PPV... I am looking forward to Summer Slam. Great Balls of Fire was a train wreck. Not a damn thing was accomplished at that PPV and I just felt... I don't know... like it was phoned in.

BRAUN STROWMAN ... that ambulance match at Great Balls of Fire was intense and he clearly won (Roman was a fucking idiot and dove into the damn ambulance himself)... but what ROMAN REIGNS did afterward, backing that ambulance at full speed into a 18 wheeler compartment, that was truly horrifying. That could have gone bad on SO many levels. I truly hope Braun is ok. I think he has SO much potential to be a great POWER in WWE if the WWE would storyline him in a way that makes the Monster Among Men look like he's truly unstoppable. With that said, if they did that, he could take on Lesnar with no doubt and hesitation. I am tired of seeing Strowman vs Reigns. Let's get Strowman onto bigger and better things.

Speaking of ROMAN REIGNS, Shame on him for doing that to Strowman. Sore fucking loser. And how come he INSTANTLY gets a chance at MAYBE being #1 contender for Brock's title? Seriously? We've been there and done that before (Wrestlemania 31) and you saw the outcome (Thanks Seth *wink*). I really am tired of WWE throwing him into the title mix EVERY CHANCE THEY GET. It's pathetic. There are so many other superstars that WWE could put there but they just want to ram Roman Reigns right down our throats. It's sickening.

Ok. The feud between BIG CASS and ENZO AMORE does nothing for either guy. It kinda squashes them both... just saying.

DEAN AMBROSE... thank you for crushing all our (WWE Universe's) dreams by telling Seth Rollins there would be NO SHIELD REUNION. God damn it Dean.

BO DALLAS looking GOOD. I think he might be being misused as a member of the Miz-ter-auge but he looks a little more POWERFUL than he used to when yelling "BO-LIEVE". I'd like to see Bo do more.

What are you guys doing with FINN BALOR? Honestly. Don't bury him. He might be the one that carries this company into the next stage.

BRAY WYATT squashing SETH ROLLINS did NOTHING for Seth but make him look weak. Seth's a KINGSLAYER. This should be built up a little more with NO PINS on either side till Summer Slam when Seth beats Bray proving he's a GOD SLAYER too.

KURT ANGLE... Whomever you "love" ... please don't let this ruin our love for you. We are glad you are BACK with us. Let's make the MOST of it. MMMkay?

COREY GRAVES... butt the fuck out of everyone's business. Stick to what you are becoming good at... commentating.

I do NOT like the SHINSUKE NAKAMURA vs BARON CORBIN feud. Shinsuke is very excellent in the ring and so VERY experienced. Baron is good but not in the same way. This feud here does nothing for either guy. Baron will look like a chump. Shinsuke will look strong (as always). Baron is Mr. Money in the Bank.... making him look weak NOW makes him cashing in the briefcase on anyone look like a joke.

PUNJABI PRISON MATCH for BATTLEGROUND? One of the WORST matches I've ever seen yet here it comes again. Thanks JINDER MAHAL.

Speaking of JINDER MAHAL... he's now over 50 days WWE Champion. I am not opposed to him being champion. I am all for opportunity in WWE... but damn... Jinder Mahal. Who'da thunk?

AJ STYLES beat KEVIN OWENS at Madison Square Garden for the United States Championship. YAY AJ. That's my boy.

AJ issued an OPEN CHALLENGE for the UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP ... and guess who answered. Yep. Motherfucking JOHN CENA. Why does he always come back and think he AUTOMATICALLY can get a fucking title shot? I honestly think that none of the potential guys wanting a shot (Cena, Rusev, or Owens) really deserve one. I mean, sure Kevin deserves his re-match but I would like to see new blood hungry for that title... not the same guys for the past few years fighting over it again. COME ON.

MAURO RANALLO.... even if it's just on NXT .... I'm glad you are STILL here. I love you as a commentator. Keep being you.

THE MAY YOUNG CLASSIC is being taped as we speak. I am SO excited to see all the talented women who could shake the boundaries of the WWE. Let's go ladies... all eyes on us.

I am sad to see AUSTIN ARIES leave. I know he wasn't happy on 205 Live but damn... he was the best part about watching (him and Gallagher). I really wish he was utilized better. He should have won against Neville and carried 205 Live for a while. Instead we still have Neville as champ. Ugh. No wonder 205 LIVE is suffering.

Well, that's all I have to say for this weeks Frankly Friday. We have one week till BATTLEGROUND so let's see what WWE does to shake things up as we turn the corner and head into SUMMER SLAM.

It's going to be hot ... so buckle up.

XOXO
Martha

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Movie Review: Beauty & the Beast 2017



I am a huge fan of the story of Beauty and the Beast. Ever since I was a little girl, the story enthralled me, captivated me, and made me imagine SO much. I've seen a lot of incarnations/variations of Beauty and the Beast. I had one on a read by cassette that I adored (and sadly lost) that was a musical. It was beautifully done and heartbreaking. When I heard Disney was doing the cartoon I was so HAPPY. When I finally SAW that movie, I was so pleased.

Then I heard Disney was doing a live action version of their musical.

UH OH.

I was very scared that this would be a very bad adaption ... however, upon seeing it I must say BRAVO to Disney, the actors & actresses, and musicians because it was a very WELL DONE adaption.

Luke Evans steals the show as Gaston. He almost sounds like the original Disney actor who played him (Richard White). His singing voice was amazing and you couldn't help but smile at his portrayal because it was dead on.

Josh Gad as LaFou (Gaston's right hand) was TREMENDOUS. I was very impressed. He made that part his own and even funnier with the mannerisms he added to the part. BRAVO.

Dan Stevens (even behind the well done CGI) as the Beast was so good. I felt everything I should have felt not just because of the CGI done well with emoting the face, but the way Dan delivered his lines. My heart broke ... and that is what it was supposed to do.

Emma Watson can sing. I was scared she wouldn't be able to hold her own as Belle but she does. However, this version of Belle does a transformation of sorts. At the beginning she is very stuck up and all about herself... by the end she's learned and grown. Emma did a wonderful job as Belle and not once did I even think this was the Emma I watched grow up as Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies.

Ewan McGregor as Lumiere was funny. I enjoyed it. I knew he could sing but I was scared he would try to do more of an impression of the original (Jerry Orbach) but he didn't. He made it his own.

Ian McKellen as Cogsworth was a little lost behind the animation for me ... so I am sad to say his character was the one I  was MOST looking forward to but was kind of a let down for me. It was a good Cogsworth just wish he had more to say/sing/and facial CGI expressions.

Emma Thompson played Mrs. Potts. She's lovely in ANYTHING she does. Her acting and singing were perfect. The only problem I have is with the animation of Mrs. Potts. It was bad. I didn't care for it at all. I know they were trying to make it more LIFE LIKE or something but it just looked sloppy and sometimes hard to distinguish.

They added some new lyrics and moments throughout the movie that in MY opinion did nothing but HELP the story and make it 100 times better. Some questions we have had in the past were answered (EX: What happened to Belle's Mom? Why didn't the village remember or know about the castle? etc...)

This movie was made for those of us who LOVED the cartoon and are now adults but also is made in a way children will also enjoy it. I believe it is one the of best Live Action Adaptions I have ever seen. If Disney keeps going with this amazing kind of work... it can ONLY get better... which means Lion King, Mulan.... they will be way beyond expectations.


Final Rating: A+

Warrior

You go through the worst battles/wars to become a warrior.

We are ALL broken and damaged... some of us are not yet fixed.

A lot of us have gone through hell... and you know what? We came back... became STRONGER!

We are the few that look at the obstacles in life and say "BRING IT" no matter how the outcome looks. We are fearless in the face of adversity. Our goals are the one and the same... to challenge ourselves, to survive, to overcome.

We all fight battles.

We are all warriors.

And warriors FIGHT!

Thursday, June 8, 2017

I have been sick again

Seems I came down with a huge sinus infection and bronchitis which has limited me from being online or wanting to be online. Not to mention before this I had a huge run in with pneumonia.

This has hit me really hard. I am taking time to re-evaluate everything including this blog. I have to put my health first. I am on the mend though. Things around here will be changing. I hope that you will continue to follow along.

Thanks.

\